“It is so liberating to really know what I want, what truly makes me happy, and what I will not tolerate. I have learned that it is no one else’s job to take care of me, but me.”

– Beyonce Knowles-Carter


Okay so I’ma be a little transparent with y’all real quick. Adulting as a black wombman for me can be described as walking around blindfolded until you bump into something or someone that influences you to go within or to interact. You get to a point during this adventure where you realize your hands were free, and you could’ve taken the blindfold off at any time. In other words, your beliefs, values, upbringing comes along with you, until you decide to see things from your own perspective (I.e. taking the blindfold off) I guess you could bump into sh*t and potentially knock some sh*t over lol, but for those of us who are learning adulting, some of that stuff be knocking back! 

For instance, last year, I went through an unexpected breakup and I’m still grieving the relationship. I ended up moving back home a few years ago (for reasons I don’t even remember at this point lol). Although I had my own apartment, I spent most of my time playing house (but that’s a whole other blog post). Ended up *finally* changing career paths, from a CNA Communication / PR specialist to now working with at-risk youth. I was in between jobs and life purpose. Until I could figure it out, I’d spend the end of Winter 18′ early Winter 19′ driving for Lyft and door dash. 

If y’all could’ve witnessed those spiritual readings, chile, it was all bad. 

But that’s why we make ebo or give offerings to our ancestors or the orisas to maintain ourselves while on our life’s journey. 

Nevertheless, when we are alone with ourselves, we are forced to feel our feelings and be aware of our thoughts, even if they are uncomfortable or negative. 

We get to see ourselves from another angle in the mirror. What habits we perform that are helping build our desired life or destroy it. 

Since this pandemic, most of us have been ordered to stay inside, with no choice, but to get to know ourselves again…

That’s why I want to share 3 reasons why the most important relationship is with yourself. And that even when you are alone, you don’t have to feel lonely. 

1. Freedom

free·dom

/ˈfrēdəm/

The power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint. Having the opportunity to explore what means for you is freeing itself. Think about it. When you have several unhealthy or stagnant attachments, one way or another it effects you. 

When you get to a point of realizing your dreams, ideas, beliefs, and more are changing, the energy shifts within you. It changes the way in which you approach or create your life.

Sometimes challenges with affirming your independence could stem from codependent attachments, being scared of lonely, or not knowing how to enjoy your own company. 

Spend some time with yourself to reflect on how much you value your freedom and what you will do to get it.

2. Boundaries

Speaking of them… 

We can all attest to being disrespected by someone that we care about at one point or another in our life. If you think back to how that person made you feel, you may remember making a mental note of how you would react or handle that situation if it was to happen again. As simple as it sounds this is where spending time with yourself (i.e reflecting) helps you to develop your boundaries. You know what you will tolerate and definitely what you won’t. 

An essential boundary to have while on your self-love journey is knowing when to say “no” without further explanation. Boundaries also get created while taking self-responsibility for things you may have done in certain situations. For example, you find yourself saying, 

“I’ll never do that shit again.” 

You’ve already acknowledged your limits. Just in that statement, therefore, creating a boundary. Honestly, they can be really simple to implement but the key is holding yourself accountable to stick to them. 

3. Self-preservation

How many black women do you know right now, are taking care of others and putting themselves last? Especially since the shelter-in-place gov’t orders?

Don’t trip sis. You might be “taking care” of others too! Mentally or emotionally carrying them in ways you think others can’t see. Caring about what they think, how they feel, or what they’ll say. The list goes on and on. (If you can’t relate, teach me your ways sis) Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying don’t be apathetic. But I am saying there’s too many women with untapped potential because of carrying burdens that aren’t even theirs to bear.

Regardless if that’s you or not, shifting your perspective to how you can make sure you’re around to enjoy life a little while longer, is one of the ultimate forms of self-love. 


Having a relationship with yourself, one that is genuine, sets the standard for other relationships in your life.  

Anybody who wants to insert themselves into your love affair would have to hold space for you to experience freedom in that relationship, respect your boundaries, and know that self-preservation is the foundation. 

What are some other reasons the most important relationship is with yourself? Be Unspoken in the comments below! 

P.s. Here’s a playlist I’ve put together that’s all about Self-love https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5hZTKC7awd7ZsGKJkec8XT?si=JVW8Z2RdSQ-YB3zLb98i4Q

https://music.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLHMaGbe6FCb9hC0vzSpnlkVSfnF40lKiC