The best way to get over a bad past is to create an amazing future! ~ Dr. Dharius Daniels

Whether you’re fresh outta highschool, college, a job, a relationship or some other point of transition, you’re probably wondering to yourself… Okay what now? What am I supposed to be doing? What is my purpose? If you’re anything like me you don’t take change really well. I am a creature of habit. I love my check lists, my calendars, my routine, and everything predictable. However, life isn’t like that right? Finding our purpose in life is a challenge. A journey that sometimes leads us into uncharted territory.  It can occur at any time and at any age. Because if there’s one thing for sure, two things for certain, is that change will always happen.  We will always have to adapt. So what are some of the things you should consider when trying to “find yourself”? 


I grew up in the 90’s so the best way to connect with my friends was to see if their bikes were outside their houses. As Millenials we have the advantage of knowing what life is like pre and post technology. There is always a way for us to be reached. But how can you truly learn yourself and find purpose if you never spend time alone?  All relationships require quality time and tender loving care in order to flourish. You definitely have to do the same to nurture the relationship that matters the most, the one with yourself. So whether your phone goes on DND after 9pm daily or you delete the socials from your phone for a week, make sure you take the time to disconnect and give yourself space to just be with yourself. You’d be surprised by the things you’ll learn when the outside world is silenced. 

Declutter Your Home

Many times when we’re going through adjustments in our lives that are difficult, the way we feel on the inside starts to manifest in ways on the outside.

“If you’re living in a mess your life will be a mess!”

Are you able to easily find things around the house if there is clutter? Typically not. The same thing goes for our minds. The two things work in tandem. Making sure your living space is clear of clutter and junk is a major step in the right direction to healing, developing new ideas, and discovering the passions inside you that you didn’t know you had. So throw out that poem your ex wrote to you two years ago, and donate your “Jesus is my Homeboy” t-shirt and make space to be creative, start over, and leave behind any baggage that might be holding you back. 


So I just started meditating this year and I have to tell you it has worked wonders. As a type-A personality my mind is always moving, thinking, and sometimes overthinking. Taking some time to still your mind from the stresses of life gives you the clarity of mind to discover new ideas. Ideas that could potentially lead you to the direction you’re looking for. There are many different apps you can use. My favorite is Headspace. Be advised that getting good at meditation takes practice, so start off with 5 mins a day and slowly work your way up. Don’t overthink it! (No pun intended)

Spend Time Volunteering

One of the best feelings you can have is giving back to those that are less fortunate than yourself. Giving back often helps us to put things into perspective and maintain an attitude of gratitude. It’s a win-win situation.  Maybe you’re not where you want to be, but you’re certainly not where you used to be and that’s due to the work towards your purpose that you’ve already put in. Give yourself some credit.  Many times we can find healing within ourselves by opening up our hearts to others. 

Practice Forgiveness

During this period of self-discovery, you should take the time to do an inventory of the feelings that are in your heart. Is there anyone you need to forgive? Are you holding a grudge towards someone that has wronged you? Is there anyone you need to extend the gift of forgiveness to? Well here’s the tea… holding onto ill will or hurt feelings causes bitterness. Bitterness causes your heart to harden. Can a rock absorb water? No. Nothing can be gained or absorbed in a heart that is hardened. A hardened heart can not be fertile. Ideas, or revolutions about your passions, your loves, and the things that drive you will not have room to grow if you haven’t let go of the stones stuck in your heart.  And guess what, sometimes the most important person that we need to forgive is ourselves. Practice forgiveness. Give yourself a break. Let go of what was and open your eyes to the possibilities of what can be.

I’m not going to lie to you, this takes work! No one says it was going to be easy, but I promise you it will be worth it. What are some ways that you’ve learned to heal and find your true purpose? Please leave your thoughts in the comments. 


Patrice E., B.A. and Blogger

Patrice is a business professional with over 10 years’ experience working in corporate America, but her first love is writing. With a bachelor’s degree in English & Creative Writing from Rutgers University, Patrice has served as an editor and ghostwriter for various publishing companies and non-profit organizations. In January 2020 Patrice launched a motivational lifestyle blog, is a safe, positive space to learn, laugh, love and help individuals grow into the magnificent being they were created to be. She is also a member of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Incorporated. In her free time she loves to write, go to the beach, exercise, scrapbook, and spend time with her 11-year-old son Christopher. 

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