“A healed Black woman is a force to be reckoned with.”
― Bethanee Epifani J. Bryant


So, I took a month off from writing, and honestly it was needed. It gave me some time to ponder what I wanted to bring more attention to in this space. It also gave me some time to get out of my comfort and get back to the raw, genuine, and thought-provoking writing I know ya’ll love 🙂 Sooo, what better way to come back than to talk about self-pleasure? I’m going to scratch the surface with this one (no pun intended) so let’s dive in shall we? (also more no pun intended)


During my normal scroll & like session on Facebook, two threads caught my attention. 1 question asked,

“At what age did you begin masturbating?” in which I thought it was posed for men to answer, but we’ll get to that reason later.

The other asks (I can’t remember verbatim),

“At what age did you know grown men were noticing you?”  

To my surprise, it was mostly black women (bw) who were the ones sharing their experiences. By the way, this post contains affiliate links. Should you decide to make a purchase, I will receive a commission. Anyhow, I thought to myself…

“If this many bw are exploring their bodies at these younger ages, wouldn’t it make sense to ya know…normalize teaching or at least discussing sex positivity, and how to embrace your feminine energy?” 

My academia hat says yes, of course, it should be taught. But if ya don’t know some academic journals and definitely educational institutions lack the black perspective on sex-positivity. From my own observations, what is taught is usually centered around using your sex as a weapon; to manipulate or destroy.

Even if you look at the controversy that W.A.P created in the media. People were shook that black women were praising themselves and stating (in a more vulgar way) what they needed to be pleased sexually. And while that may have been manufactured propaganda, it still sheds light on how black women and sex are socialized to be suppressed or shamed.

So, let’s be real sis, when’s the last time you had a conversation with your mom or a maternal figure in ya life about how to embrace your sex as a black wombman? And I don’t mean just “how to do it” but really about how precious your divine feminine energy is?

From what I can remember, sex talks were usually about not having it, waiting to have it, and how to please a man. Whether that convo was with friends or some adults, it rarely empowered me.

The way around my body was explored with someone else’s hands. How I learned what I liked or didn’t like. But asking about sex, taboo. Self-pleasure, taboo. Clothing I wore that was complimenting to my shape, taboo, especially around certain men that could come to every family barbecue (but chile that’s a topic for another day).

The way that shame has been projected onto the black womb is disgraceful. When we are literally the manifestation of the creator, to create and birth human liife! Before I go on a tangent, *Grabs mic* I wana know why have some Black women been socialized to fear their pleasure? Can’t feel comfortable exploring our own bodies, let alone, what arouses us and what doesn’t, while alone.

To continue unlearning these ideals surrounding my sex and femininity, I started reading a book called “Pussy Prayers by Black Girl Bliss”. At the beginning of the book, one journal prompt asks

“what can I remember about the first time I learned about what it means to be a woman?”

Taking that memory walk made me think about when I felt ashamed for starting my period…(something that naturally occurs in the female body)

READ: My Womb Healing Journey

With all of that said, I’ve found a way to become sexually liberated as a black wombman; through self-pleasure (and girl…it’s not always physical)

Can you really put an egg up there?

From yoni steams (sometimes called v-steam) to yoni eggs, these wholistic healing remedies work to heal your spiritual health. With consistency, they can even help alleviate physical ailments.

The first yoni egg and yoni massage wand set I bought was rose quartz crystal. This crystal is considered the “love” crystal, so you can use it for self-love.

You can steam herbs in your…?

Yes, these practices by women help to maintain the health of their reproductive system. Personally, I buy my yoni steam herbs from Vibrant Souls. I love yoni steaming because it makes me feel empowered and it’s an opportunity to get in tune with my sacred space even deeper.

So, what else about self-pleasure sis?

What I’ve learned about sexual liberation from different forms of self-pleasure is that, not only can I please myself, but I find empowerment through having control over my body. I can explore my feelings both physically and emotionally. And I can do all of this privately, without fear, shame, or guilt. I can create the space I need or set the mood as we’d usually say. Discover what I like or don’t. And speaking of what I don’t like, I don’t care to keep creating a space that leaves room for waiting on a partner.

“Spend my life trying to be a wife, for a n*gga that may not even wife me.”

Hence why self-pleasure is activism. Having the discussion and bringing more awareness to this topic, allows us to express ourselves about it and find healing and pride, instead of fear and shame…such that we’ve been taught. This type of empowerment is what inspired me to dig deeper into my abilities as wombman instead of just a woman.

I know there’s so much more I could expand on around this topic, but I will leave that for another blog post.

Let me know what ya’ll think in the comments?