This may come as “no-brainer” to some, but a “not-so-gentle” reminder to many. If you have a history of putting love on the line and hanging up on your dreams, then you should probably keep reading. 

Peace my loves, Tajhae here (might be Adeola tomorrow though ;), the little big sistar you never knew you had. I’ma need for you to grab your cup of tea, coffee, or whatever you’ll be drinking on while reading this. It’s about to get good’t.

Disclaimer: When you’re in alignment with your destiny, all things meant for you will be attracted to you. There will be no need to chase. Just move that energy around so ya don’t get stagnant 😉

How many of you have been victimized by your yearn for “love”, that you ultimately settle for a situation or relationsh*t that (fill in the blank as it relates to you).

Yeah girl, me too!

There are several factors that point to underlying issues of abandonment, father-mother wounds, need for external validation, and more. While I’m no licensed psychologist, I have been in a situation or 5 in my twenties, to be able to speak on this topic.

I took a big risk…well a few big risks during covid-19 pandemic. I quit my job, moved, and started a business. I also tried dating again, even though I didn’t/don’t want to. And Had 2 falling outs with mother “figures” in my life within the last month.

Because I’m not a petty person and like I told ya’ll I value relationships, it’s been emotional nonetheless. I have questioned myself over and over again. The answer for me was to GTF ASAP. I saw the opportunity to change my scenery, continue pursuing my education, and career.

Since I’m dead smack in the middle of these changes, I wanted to share with ya’ll why it’s important to chase your dreams and not that n*gga, the relationships, or anything else that ain’t got sh*t to do with making you a better wombman for you.

1. The egg doesn’t chase the sperm

If you weren’t taught or inspired to “attract” what you wanted, then, of course, it’s a foreign concept to you. Whether you were shown to chase money, attention, love, it all plays a role in how you show up in your relationships. If that resonates with you, try “letting” things flow to you, or just “letting it happen”. I recommend checking out dance healer and attraction method enthusiast, Tamina Pollack-Paris. She hosts several masterclasses on how to start attracting and stop chasing.

I joined her masterclass last year, and let me just say how I was crying at one point. Her class was so eye-opening. I used one of her teachings one day at the gas station (cause ya’ll know that’s the spot when you want a little attention. But I was legit there to get some gas after a long ass day of driving around for Amazon Flex). Within minutes I had a man running back and forth out the store trying to figure out what to say to me to get my number. He ends up paying for my gas and pumping it. Come to find out, he mentored at-risk-youth and was a football coach. I’m no coach, but I also mentored at-risk youth at the time. 

I share that to say that it’s okay (only if you say so) if you need to increase your attraction skills. As a wombman you are naturally born with these skills, hence the title of this paragraph. If you’re familiar with the Yoruba goddess Osun, you’ll notice that she’s sometimes represented by the color yellow, sensuality, sunflowers, and all expressions of joy. I don’t know if Ms. Tamina intentionally channels her in her teachings, but it’s amazing how yeye osun, makes these subtle appearances to show her presence

2. “Have your own life, before your somebody’s wife.” – Beyonce Knowles-Carter

I have heard many black women share that they’ve lost themselves in a relationship. I definitely know the feels cause I have heard my own self say it to my friends many times. I’m just getting to a space where I feel comfortable with exploring my spirit, mind ,and body and acting on my desires and interests (i.e. finally launching this blog). 

Having a life of your own doesn’t mean much either if you aren’t aware of your boundaries or you’re ready to let your dreams go over a relationship. I understand that there are certain circumstances where you need to compromise though, so I won’t go too in depth there. But, Beyonce still singing isn’t she? 

No one, should distract you or sabotage your dreams if they love and care about you. Above all, remember that your dreams, degree, ambitions, desires, and everything that is you won’t decide to get up one day and leave you.

3. Why can’t you have both?

Speaking of boundaries and Beyonce still singing, one thing I can say I’ve seriously learned from her about relationships is that, if someone really wants you, they understand what you come with. But do you? You can have both a healthy relationship with yourself and someone else.

Transparency moment: Something I have to get more comfortable with is not allowing just anybody in my love affair with myself…in other words, categorizing people in my life and establishing stricter boundaries.

4. Have your dreams reached their full potential?

We learn values and core beliefs at a very young age. I think its safe to say that if distractions continue to throw you off course of manifesting the fullest potential of your dreams, then you have to assess the responsibility you’re taking in making your dreams come true. Value your dreams like you value working that job, scrolling on social media, the relationships, and everything else you put before your dreams.

5. If you stop quitting, you wouldn’t have to keep starting over

Know that there will be obstacles, distractions, delays, and setbacks. How you handle each of these are up to you. Pause, but don’t stop. Switch lanes, but don’t just get off the freeway. Whatever your dreams are, you really have to practice self-love to keep yourself focused on manifesting that reality. Self-sabotage can also be your biggest enemy before anybody telling you “No” could. And just because someone tells you “No” doesn’t mean your creator, source, or whomever you prayed to said it. Put your dreams on such a high pedestal, negative opinions cannot reach them.

What or who are you willing to sacrifice to make sure your dreams become your reality? #BeUnspoken in the comments below and share your truth.